vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
