I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
