Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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