I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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