chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
