I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
