I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
