Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
