Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
