i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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