ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
