hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
