not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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