My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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