gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
