The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
