in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
