The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
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But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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