if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
