I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
