So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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