We're facebook friends in real life
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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