my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
