Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
