My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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