i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
