happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
