Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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