perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
