I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
