Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
