May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
