It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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