I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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