I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
