so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
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Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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