So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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