the condom got lost in my hair
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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