garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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