when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how do flat chested girls get laid?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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