So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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