Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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