We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
