You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
