every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
