I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
this just has baby written all over it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
