it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
