my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
