so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
