its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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