i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
