You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
