Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize