Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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