I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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