He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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