I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
