I wish my penis had an off switch
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize