i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
