The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
