we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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