i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My underwear smells like fireworks.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
