all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
