toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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