I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
