nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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