Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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