:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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