i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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