I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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