i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
