Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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