If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize