6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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