you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
