last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
