I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
