Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Houston, we have a blender
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I licked your asshole in confidence.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
