it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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